What are you wearing? This week, the completely inept Daily Orange psychics will predict your future based on your favorite style of undergarment. Let’s hope it’s not laundry day!
You’re in for a week of mixed emotion and unexpected pleasure! You will be offered sweet, hot lovin’ on the 19th – so make sure you’re properly equipped.
Your roommate will skip 90 percent of his classes for the next semester, drop out and join the army. You get a single – yes!
You’ll attend the ‘Dress to Get Laid’ party, but will once again pass out unfulfilled. Next time, be more provocative!
You’ll get a hottie’s number, but you’ll close your phone before pressing ‘Save’ and lose it forever. Looks like all that boy band ass will have to wait.
Your professor will give you a pop quiz with just one question – her name. Wasn’t this class supposed to be easy?
A late-night Kimmel excursion will lead to a fist-fight with an angry freshman girl. Watch out – she’s a biter!
White Cotton Panties
You’ll forget to turn in your meningitis vaccination paperwork, and the Health Center detox team will steal into your room in the middle of the night, wrap you in plastic and quarantine the entire floor. Make sure to get a note for your professors.
Your intramural softball game will be rained out by the remnants of Hurricane Isabel. It’s a good thing – you need a few more days of practice, or just to shotgun a case of Beast and pass out in a steamy cocktail of your own vomit and feces. Go team!
Your floormates will trash the bathroom on Friday afternoon, and you’ll be wading through excrement on your way to brush your teeth all weekend. Call Fixit, maybe they’ll pretend to care!
You’ll shake your tail-feather all the way to Maggie’s, where you’ll pick up the hottest dancers on the floor. Too bad they’re also undercover cops! You’ll claim entrapment. Hopefully your friends have enough beer money left to bail you out.
At a house party, you’ll get tanked and throw up from the second floor balcony. Everyone in the crowd below will cheer, except the guy who owns the car with the open sunroof.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Work will be canceled Sunday, so you’ll go out partying all night long. Wait a minute, no… you don’t even have a job!
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