This week, our unlicensed astrologers tell your fortune based on your reason for dropping a class.
Slept with the T.A.
You’ll be very confused when you arrive at a party and don’t understand a word that’s being said. Everyone will be speaking in German – but you won’t realize it until halfway through the third chorus of ‘Das Lederhosen.’
Didn’t buy the books
Instead of a weekly physical berating by your ex, you’ll be on the receiving end of a surprise goose attack. Fortunately, you can use the same tactics to fend it off – call it names and kick it with a steel-toed boots until it backs off.
Forgot you were enrolled
Though it may seem like a good idea at first, shopping with your grandparents will lead to nothing but questions about whether your top fits well enough in the chest – or crotch, for that matter.
Didn’t sleep with the T.A.
Your next phone bill will reveal the details of a drunken night several months ago, during which you made 20 calls in two hours. It’s definitely a positive thing, however, because now you know exactly who you should remove from your phonebook before heading out for the night – and why that person has been looking at you funny for weeks.
Ran over the professor’s dog
While home over the long weekend, you’ll find out through the gossip mill that six girls from your high school graduating class of 30 are already pregnant, an impressive 20 percent. Given that you’re a sophomore triple-major with a 4.0 GPA, it looks like you’ve got some catching up to do.
Paper cut to the eye
You’ll return from Spring Break with more than a tan.
Didn’t take the prerequisite
Taking your mom with you on an internship interview is definitely a bad plan. Not only will she disapprove of the company you’re trying to work with and your choice of wardrobe, but she’ll claim to be too scared to pee in the neighborhood.
Professor is secretly a mutant dinosaur
You’ll wake up one morning to find that your rear windshield has been completely smashed in. However, this is one instance in which being a poor college student worked in your favor, as the only contents of your car are a Starbucks coffee mug and an ice scraper.
Class scheduled during beer pong
After losing your cell phone in a cab and chasing it down to no avail, you’ll run up to a group of bikini-clad women in hopes of gaining assistance. Unfortunately, they’ll think you’re looking for a different kind of aid, and run away screaming.
Too much time in lab
The new ultimate date will be tickets to the rodeo and cheese fries at Acropolis.
Confused by lack of swap button on MySlice
You’ll once again be required to clean up barf at 3 a.m. But this time, it’s not your drunken roommate – your cat just decided it was time to cough up a hairball.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)
Your Spring Break may have been fruitful, Sagittarius, but now that you’re back at Syracuse, things won’t continue in your favor. Try running around in your bathing suit and flip flops; if you don’t regain your Floridian hotness, someone will certainly take notice of you.
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