Martha Steward

Ex-convict and homemaker extraordinaire

Martha, Martha, Martha. You went to prison – so what? Your stocks have gone through the roof, and you’re doing better than ever. Well, except for the fact that you’re currently under house arrest. But you’re out for 48 hours a week. Which obviously means you have time to do more insider trading and take over a few small countries. But while you’re doing that, we’re sure you’ll keep spreading good throughout the world, teaching housewives everywhere the fine art of baking a beautiful pie, choosing a dining table runner and getting lint out of not-so-nice places. We just can’t wait for the prison cell decoration issue of Martha Stewart Living to be released. Then we’ll know all about your fun cell block adventures and how to make friends and teach them how to knit ugly-ass ponchos that you then wear in front of the national media. Love ya, babe. We’re sure the neighbors are glad to have you back, too.