It’s just not fair. You finally found the energy to move out of your Olympics-boredom-induced coma, but what appears when you change the channel? The only less meaningful worldwide competition in history: the Westminster Dog Show. What could possibly be less gratifying than watching the world’s snottiest well-to-dos prance about with the world’s snottiest pooches? Year after year, the winner is either a terrier or pug, instead of a real dog like a Labrador. In fact, Labrador retrievers, golden retrievers, beagles and Dachshunds have never won, despite the fact that everything a Dachshund does is automatically hilarious. Furthermore, dogs shouldn’t be rewarded for their shiny coats and ‘gait,’ they should be given treats for shaking hands. Perhaps this year there should be a prize for whichever hunting dog can help Vice President Dick Cheney stop capping guys in the face and actually hit a quail.