He told her they were too young. He told her they didn’t have enough money. He told her that someday it would happen, at a better point in their lives. And he told her that if she didn’t go through with the procedure, he would leave her.

So she did it, even though she really didn’t want to.

When she was 17, Emily, a 20-year-old Oswego resident who requested that her name be changed to protect her privacy, discovered she was pregnant. She and her boyfriend Eric had been having unprotected sex regularly, but she says she was shocked at the outcome of their actions.

‘I was so scared, I thought my dad would kick me out of the house,’ Emily said. ‘I was young, and really didn’t know what to do or who to tell.’

Before they began having sex, Emily said she told her boyfriend she would never have an abortion because of her religious beliefs. For a week after learning about her pregnancy, she tried to find him to tell him about it, but he was always out with his friends and didn’t return her phone calls. She finally tracked him down, but was shocked by his response.

‘When I told him I was pregnant, he said, ‘Well, you know what you gotta do,” Emily said. ‘I was so angry. I told him I didn’t want to have an abortion. But he threatened to leave me if I kept the baby.’

More than 1 million pregnancies end in abortion every year. Some women, like Emily, have been coerced into the procedure by friends, family or partners, while others have chosen it entirely of their own accord. Every woman’s situation prior to the abortion is unique, so too is her mental and emotional reaction after it is over.

‘No two women have exactly the same responses,’ said Betty Defazio, director of external affairs for Planned Parenthood of the Syracuse/Rochester region. ‘Deciding to terminate a pregnancy is an extremely stressful situation already, and there can be so many things going on in a woman’s life that affect how she handles it.’

The most prevalent feeling following an abortion is a sense of relief, Defazio said. Some women may also feel sadness or regret for a short amount of time, especially if the pregnancy was wanted, but there were serious medical risks for either the patient or the fetus.

But contrary to popular belief, most women do not feel an overwhelming sense of guilt after the procedure, Defazio said.

‘We really don’t see a lot of guilt,’ Defazio said. ‘There is this misconception that abortion is a very negative experience for women, whereas in reality, it often turns into something positive and shows them what their future can hold.’

Planned Parenthood does offer counseling services for patients, as well as referrals to other organizations. While some women choose to enter short-term counseling at the facility, it is rare for patients to seek long-term care, Defazio said.

Emily said she has never sought counseling about her abortion, but that the two weeks following the procedure were especially difficult.

‘I was a Catholic who went to church every Sunday and didn’t want the abortion in the first place,’ Emily said. ‘I felt disgusted with myself and was angry and depressed about what Eric had brainwashed me into doing.

‘But I had to deal with it on my own. I didn’t want to talk to my family or friends about it even.’

Rachel Leri, a sophomore psychology major, is friends with Emily and was one of the few people Emily told before the abortion took place. Leri said Emily was very secretive about what was going on because she didn’t want people to look down on her.

‘You have to think about what you would do in that situation,’ Leri said. ‘I didn’t judge her at all, and she said she just wanted to move on from it.’

Leri said she did not notice any strong personality changes in Emily after the abortion, but haven’t discussed the issue since.

Judy Geyer, executive director of New Hope Family Services, a local pro-life resource center, said post-abortion emotional conflicts are extremely serious, and the way Emily dealt with the situation is not uncommon.

‘So many women don’t talk about their abortions and end up in denial over them,’ Geyer said. ‘Sometimes we counsel women a year or two after their abortions, but more often it is women coming in five, 10 and even 20 years later because it still nags at them.’

Although New Hope is a pro-life Christian organization, it doesn’t want to condemn women who seek counsel there, Geyer said. The staff, comprised entirely of volunteers, works with approximately five to 10 women in a variety of emotional stages a year.

‘I think women across the board go into denial after an abortion and don’t want to address their true feelings of devastation and loss,’ Geyer said. ‘It’s a grieving process, and we help women find the grace of God so they can move on in life.’

Geyer refers to women dealing with these types of emotional problems as having ‘post-abortion syndrome,’ which she said is recognized by the American Psychiatric Association as a form of post traumatic stress disorder; however, ‘post-abortion syndrome’ is not listed on the APA’s Web site.

”Post-abortion syndrome’ is a term anti-abortion people have dubbed, one that research doesn’t support and isn’t recognized in science,’ Defazio said. ‘The estimates of women who experience depression after an abortion are over inflated. Most women experience relief; negative long-term effects are extremely uncommon.’

Emily rarely thinks about her abortion now and says it doesn’t affect her day-to-day life. She and Eric stayed together for three months after the procedure. She just finished a stint in rehab for a cocaine addiction and realizes that even though she wanted to keep the baby, it would have been born into a less-than-ideal environment.

‘I know it wouldn’t have been better to have the baby,’ Emily said. ‘But no matter what, women need to have choices about what they do and think about everything before making a decision about keeping a baby or having an abortion.’

Published on February 22, 2006 at 12:00 pm