As you approach the hallowed grounds, the mystic and majestic monoliths rise before you. Situated on a hilltop surrounded by rolling hills, the mighty monument inspires instant reverence in all who view it. It is Stonehenge, the eighth wonder of the world, and a construction totally unique in form.

Sort of.

You see, there are actually some 900 stone circles just like it throughout the British Isles, according to Jeanie Carmichael, a tour guide to Stonehenge for 23 years. So what exactly makes this one so special? I’ll tell you: the druids that built it were smart enough to name it Stonehenge, which sounds totally awesome and draws people to it. The other similar ones are all called ‘Stone circle #187’ and so forth.

But a stone circle by any other name is still just a bunch of rocks. What makes it worth all the tourism?

‘I think people think there’s something mystical about it,’ Carmichael said.

Well, not everybody: ‘I was a little disappointed,’ said Amanda Hamel, a fourth-year industrial design major, who expected the ‘Henge’ to be ‘much bigger.’

Perhaps, then, it’s the mysterious nature of the site – as it was constructed some 5,000 years ago, there is no written record of why it was created. It’s even been suggested that it was created by aliens as a signpost for a landing point.

Hmm, that makes sense, because aliens that could transport themselves billions of miles in high-tech spaceships would clearly mark their landing spot with a pile of goddamn rocks. Honestly. Who makes this up?

Countless other theories exist as to the meaning of Stonehenge’s existence. According to Carmichael, ‘It must be some kind of burial ground.’ In fact, there are several identified burial mounds surrounding the circle. But I have a different (and cooler) opinion.

Stonehenge was obviously created as the world’s first laser tag arena. Except back in 3100 B.C., there weren’t any laser guns, so they had to use spears. And that would have resulted in a lot more accidental deaths, so they probably didn’t play laser tag all that much. And I guess then it really would have been a burial ground, too. But who knows?

Also intriguing is the fact that no one knows exactly how Stonehenge was made. ‘It’s impressive – how the hell did they get all that (stone) out here?’ said junior hospitality and food services major Andy Yugi. ‘It’s mind-boggling,’ he added.

No, what’s mind-boggling is that the ancient men who had to hunt for survival found time to quarry stones without any dynamite, then drag them for miles and prop them up. Without fantasy football, though, there probably wasn’t much else to do.

Since you can’t even play laser tag there anymore, it seems silly that so many people would still visit the site. Yet according to Carmichael, Stonehenge has attracted visitors for centuries, and the tourism rate is still strong. So strong, in fact, that the British government is considering restricting visitors to a viewing site a full mile or more from the actual monument. Carmichael says this is a travesty. I say kudos to the government for trying to keep its people from sitting around staring at rocks all day.

Still, Stonehenge does serve a purpose. ‘Because there was no writing (when Stonehenge was constructed), it’s like being able to see into the minds of our ancestors,’ said Carmichael.

Apparently, our ancestors were thinking, ‘Rock good.’

Published on September 11, 2005 at 12:00 pm