At first glance, the cast of ‘Real World: San Diego’ appeared innocent, diverse and peppered with delightful accents.

After seven episodes, two cast members have spent a night in jail and hook-ups galore are in the works. This season should prove to be spectacular.

In one of the first episodes, Brad, a motorcycle-riding loud-mouth from Illinois, ‘whips it out’ for the members of the house to prove that he has a large manhood. The girls seem impressed – until a later episode when Frankie, a 21-year-old punk-rock massage therapist, admits she is terrified of large objects. When she sees a cruise ship in the harbor outside their posh pad, she has a panic attack, and the other girls wonder if she is afraid of Brad’s large package as well.

Other than that fact that Frankie met her current boyfriend in the back of a porn shop, we discover that she is going to be the house whore, throwing herself mercilessly at all the men she possibly can. On the very first night in the house, Frankie tries to make sweet love to Brad. But when he nicely tells her to stop, she storms off to bed – and then throws up on her pillow. If that’s not a turn-on, I don’t know what is.

When the cast discovers that their job will be to work on a sailboat, some of them are quite excited. The attention-starved Frankie proceeds to have another panic attack. And to make matters worse for the rambunctious cast, the outfits they have to wear are reminiscent of the eighth-grade trend of baggy polo shirts and ridiculously uncool khaki shorts.

And, like every Real World cast before them, this cast has its fair share of inbred romance. Randy, a security guard at a bar from Boston (with an utterly obnoxious accent to boot) and Robin, a Coyote Ugly bartender from Tampa with breasts tremendous enough to match her attitude, have already expressed feelings for one another. But these young hotties are roommates, and they don’t want things to get weird. Clearly, they’ve never seen the show nor read their contracts – which require them to get their proverbial freak on.

So far, the highlight of the season has indubitably been the night when two of the cast members got arrested. First, Jacquese, a 19-year-old from New Jersey, and Cameran, a 19-year-old southern belle, were not allowed into the bar because their fake IDs just weren’t quite up to snuff – apparently San Diego bouncers take their jobs more seriously than the ones in Syracuse.

The evening really gets fun when Brad gets arrested for public intoxication and Robin gets detained for hitting a Marine who mocked Cameran’s ID troubles and told her to go back to the ‘Fake World.’

Robin cries the night away in jail, because the $800 she needs to post bail just isn’t available at 3:30 a.m. Meanwhile, back at the house, Frankie is cozying up to Robin’s main squeeze, Randy, who resists and waits by the phone for any word from his delinquent roommates.

Like any true criminal, Brad has an epiphany while in jail – but that often happens when you become someone’s bitch for a night. Upon re-entering the Real World house, he vows to watch his mouth from now on and make peace rather than war.

Which is funny, because it’s true – or so MTV says.

Published on February 10, 2004 at 12:00 pm